Super School of Magic
by HERMIT MAN
Summary: A mysterious school. A vibrant cast. Will Harry convince everyone that Voldemort is back again? Will Dumbledore live? Will Draco get what he wants?
1. Chapter 1

John Cena Goes To School

"JOHN CENAAAAA!" screamed the man, whose name was john cena. Within the Great Hall of the school where he was sitting was where he was sitting. He was looked at strangely by many people who were in close proximity to him. John Cena did not care. John cena did not care. Hohn Cena didN OT care.

AAAAAAAAAAAA

Draco said, "Pass the stuffing" . Nobody passed him the stuffing because he sucks. Nobody. Nobody passed him the stuffing. "Thanks Nobody" said Draco, the shit. "FUCK YOU DRACO" said Nobody, and took the stuffing away so he could pass it to him again, and took the stuffing away, and passed it to him. Draco began to cry.

Harry said, "Voldemort is coming back." Hermione believed him. Ron believed him. John Cena believed him. Everyone else did not believe him. Nobody did not believe him. He began to cry, but then stopped, because John Cena believes him and that cheered him up. "thank you John Cena" said Harry. "YOU'RE WELCOME" said John Cena.

"ATTENTION EVERYBODY" said Dumbledore. "I am dead." Dumbledore dropped to the ground and said no more, because he was dead. You know who stepped forward? Do you? Do you know?

Guess. Please take a guess and white it in the reviews. Maybe you will be correct. We'll see. Check back next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

WE'RE BACK!

Games of Dancing

Dumbledore was dead. Everyone was afraid. What to do? Who to trust? Nobody knew, but nobody else knew. Draco was still crying. He had the stuffing but he was confused. Confused and afraid. Afraid and confused. John Cena was gone. Everything was in shambles. They had lost their faith. They were all lost. Nobody knew what to do. Nobody stood up and walked past the table and walked to the middle of the room and turned right and walked up the steps and turned left and walked to the end of the plaza and turned right and turned right and walked up to the middle of the area to the microphone desk. Nobody took the microphone and said, "I WILL BE HEADMASTER."

Harry was not sure about this. Harry wished that Draco would stop crying, but he did not. He continued. Harry began to cry as well. Hermione saw this and cried. Ron saw this and cried. Soon everyone was crying. Soon everyone was crying. Soon

Then suddenly

VOLUDEMNT

Happened

and then Harry sobered up. He put down the bottle of whiskey he was holding, turned to his friends, and said in a gruff voice, "we've got to get jon cena back"

So they went to the wall.


	3. They go to the wall

They wnt to the wall. It was cold. "It is cold" said ahrry. "It is cold" said ron. "NO FUCKING SHIT" screamed Hermione, and she left.

Harry and Ron went up tot the wall and knocked on it. "Hello" they said. "Is Jon Cena home." Nobdoy answered them. "Go away I am using the bathroom." Harry gasped. "Nobody is here. Nobody followed us from Hogwarts. This is very strange." then a dragon happened. "RON SAID BILL MY COUSIN KNOWS HOW TO WORK WITH DRAGONS AND HE SHOWED ME ONE NIGHT. HELLO BOY. HELLO GOOD BOY. HELLO DRAGON. the dragon was not amused and ate ron. "OH MY GOD" screamed harry and he screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and cried and screamed and me he screamed. Help me. Oh God. Oh God God God. the dragon flew away. Ron was gone forever.


	4. Chicken fingers

Dracothought in his head, "What is going on. I am confused. He thought in his head, "Please help me I am crying. But no person CARED because he was AWFUL. Not even Nobody cared

Nobody was headmaster. Nobody was in control. Nobody was doing a good job.

Draco went into a room. Nobody was in the room. Drco assked a question. "What time is dinner." Nobody answered him. "Go away you shitbag. Draco cried because he was sad. Draco cried and ate chicken fingers. Draco cried and ate chicken fingers. Then he had no more chiken fingers and he cried ad did not eat chicken fingers. "I hate my life said Draco. "I hate beinga live. Then he left.


	5. Chapter 5

Dracothought in his head, "What is going on. I am confused. He thought in his head, "Please help me I am crying. But no person CARED because he was AWFUL. Not even Nobody cared

Nobody was headmaster. Nobody was in control. Nobody was doing a good job.

Draco went into a room. Nobody was in the room. Drco assked a question. "What time is dinner." Nobody answered him. "Go away you shitbag. Draco cried because he was sad. Draco cried and ate chicken fingers. Draco cried and ate chicken fingers. Then he had no more chiken fingers and he cried ad did not eat chicken fingers. "I hate my life said Draco. "I hate beinga live. Then he left.


	6. Chapter 6

THE EPIC RESPONSE

Harry found Jon. Jon said "Why are you wearing those closed. " Harry said "You arent Jon Cena. " THen he left.


	7. Harry goes shopping

Harry Buys Groceries

Harry went to the grocery store. He had to buy groceries from his list. He looked at his list. It was written on a piece of paper. The paper had words on it. The words were written on the paper. THe words written on the paper were his list. He looked at his list. The first item on his list was 'Cheese'. He walked to the dairy aisle by taking two steps forward, turning right, turning left, walking ten steps, turning right, walking five steps, turning left, and walking two steps. He was now in the dairy aisle. He looked at the dairy. He looked at the milk. He looked at the cheese. It was in a refridgerator. THe refridgerator was large. It was clear. It had a clear door. HArry opened the door. He looked at the cheese. He picked up a piece of cheese. He looked at it. It said, 'Cheese', on the front, in words. It did not really say cheese. It just had words written on it. The words were not written on the cheese. The words were written on a piece of paper on the cheese in a wrapper. Harry looked at the words written on the paper. Harry looked at the cheese. Harry looked at the price of the cheese. The cheese was $3. It was a rectangle 2 inches deep, 6 inches wide, and 4 inches high. Harry decided to buy the cheese. He cloed the door to the dairy refridgerator. He put the cheese in his cart. He put his hands on the front of the cart. He pushed the cart down the aisle. He turned right and walked twenty steps. He turned right and walked ten steps. He turned left and placed the cheese and other items on the conveyor belt. He waited in line while other people bought their groceries. The conveyor belt movd slowly. The conveyor belt moved his food. His food moved on the conveyor belt. He waited to buy his food. He waited. The person in front of him finished buying food. He went to the cash register. He bought the food. He said "helo" to the cash register person cashier. THey smiled at him and said hello back. He paid them $60.87 for his food. They took his money and put it in the cash register. He did not have exact change and paid them in twenties. They gave him back $19.13. He put the money in his wallet. They put his food in bags. He took the bags with the food. They said "HAve a nice day." He said "thank you." He took the food and left the store. He walked out of the store and left his cart in there. He walked out of the store and into the parking lot. Without moving his cart. Harry is a jerk.


	8. Chapter 8

yqryy cried. hot steamy happening were not taking place. "I am lonley" Harry cried. I am sorry. I am so sorry. Harry was crying. Harry was sorry and crying. He was crying ad sorry. The basilik of secrets was dead. And it was his fualt. It was dead. It is dead. Harry was upset. Harry was very upset. Herry was very very upset. Harry was very very very upset. Harry was very very very very upset. Hsrry was very very very very very upset. He cried. He cried again. He stopped rying. "I am going to leave" he said. He left. He went back to Hogwarts. Everyone had moved on withouthim. Nobody was headmaster. Nobody was happy. Nobody had friends.

Hermione went to Harry and said, "Where is ron." Harry said, "He was eaten by a dragon." HErmione said, "Why." Harry said, "I don't know." Hermione said, "Did you ask the dragon why?" Harry said, "No I didn't." Hermione said, "Why didn't you ask the dragon why?" HArry said, "I didn't think of it." Hermione said, "You should be more thoughtful." Harry said, "I'm sorry. I'll try." Hermione said, "Okay. Just remember."

Then they had dinner. It was chicken. Draco cried because the chicken did not have fingers. The chicken did not have fingers because it is a chicken. Draco is really stupid. Nobody stood up and made a speech. Nobody told them they were all safe and secure. Nobody protected them. Then they had dessert. For dessert they had chocolate pudding jelllo tapioca pineapple and cheerry ice cream. Draco did not eat any of it. He was too busy crying. He was so busy crying that he melted the table. "Draco what is your problem" said PRofessor McGonagall. Draco did not answer. He just cried. He cried and cried and cried. Draco had melted the table. The table was very expensive. It cost $5,000. It was a very long table. Draco would have to repay them for the table. He kept crying. He cried so much he melted his shoes. His shoes were very expensive. They cost $800. Draco would have to buy new shoes. He ran away barefoot. He cried while he ran. He could not see through his tears and he fell over. He cried on the ground and melted the ground. The ground was gone. He fell thorugh the ground into a hole. He kept crying and melted more of the ground. Eventually he cried so much he melted a hole through the earth and ended up in China. He cried because he did not like dumplings. Draco is a tasteless fool.


	9. Chapter 9

DRACO

Draco was gone. He was in china. He did not want to bw in hcina He crawled back trhough the hoa he had melted with his tears and went naback to England. The hole was very lon. It took him a lot of time. "I amso hungry" he said. He wa hungry. He cried ebcause he was hungry. His tears uncovered a pre ioius ariftact. "What is this"" said Draco. HE did not know. He took it back to hHogwarts and shwed it to Crabbe and Golf. THey did not kow what it was either. He showed it to Profesor Snape. Sape did not know. He was lost. He was afraid. Not Snape, Draci, Snape was just annoed. He sat back down and died. Harry finished eating pudding. Then everybody went to bed.


	10. Chapter 10

HARRY became a pig. "oink OInk" said harry. hermione was distressed and confused. "Is tthis a soell" said HErmione. Is this a potion. She does not know. She does not understand. She is afraid but she accepts harry. Luna turns up. "Hello luna" said hermione. "HE;llo hermioe" said Luan. Then Mcgonnagall told them to get back to work. they got back to work. they were doing transmutation work in class. Harru left because he was a pig and could not be in calss because pigs are not allowed in class. Animals are also not allowed in clss. He went to the dormitory and laid down on the ground. "Oink oink" he said sadly. Ron came in. "Hello harry" said ron. "Oink Oink" said harry. Ron left. Harry stayed. He stayed in front of the door. On the ground. On the rug. He was on the rug. THe rug was warm. It was soft and made out of fabric. He was content. Then some people came in and made fun of him so he ate them. Harry went to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	12. Chapter 12

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	13. Chapter 13

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	14. Chapter 14

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	15. Chapter 15

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	16. Chapter 16

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	17. Chapter 17

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	18. Chapter 18

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	19. Chapter 19

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	20. Chapter 20

harry went to the bathroom. he did his business and then left.


	21. harrys funeral

its time to dance. said hermioe. BUT WHY asked harry. the aner is within you dai d hermion. the answer is in your heart. look in your heart and you will find the answer. harry looked inside his heart. "i dont see anything" said harry. "thats because youre dead" said hermione. harry gasped. it was true. he was dead. he needed to have a funerla. "o must have a funeral" said harry. "ok" said hermione. "Wehere do you want us to have it." "in the great hall revplies harry. "you msut have it in the place i lived my life the most."

they had a funeral in the great hall. harry was there, and hermione, and ron, and lavender bruin, and professor mconaggal, and screaming man. nobody was there. hagrid mr professor was there. harry potter ws there. drago was not there. he was in the bathroom crying. he crief. harry stepped up to say a few words. "hello friends" he said. "today we are here because i am dead. we need to have a funereal for me. this si my funeral." then he took out a guitar and started to play a song. "im dead" he sang. "this isnt in my head. my time is all gone, so i sing this song. because i am dead. la la la la. i cant eat no bread. la la la la la. because i am dead, my rights have been read, ill never be fed. la la la lal al." everyone clapped because it wwas a beautiful song. harry put down the guitar. :"and now i would like to introduce my good friend hermione, whi is here to say a few words." "hello everyone" said hermione. "harry is dead so we are here. id like to talk abotu him now." she turned to harry." harry you have been a great friend to me all thse years. he has given me his food. he has given me many other things. i am appreciate him very much. thank you aharry, for being here. we are all that sad you are dead. rest in peace mr harry potter." she turned to the audience. "thank you". she stepped down from the podium. "and now a few words from professor mcognalgal." professor mcgongaglal shrgged at him. "i dont give a shit im just here for the cake." she said. "ok never mind then" said harry. hagrid blew his nose. he blew his nose again. he blew his nose on his sleeve. "ew hagrid" said lavender brown "Thats gross why are you doing that" hagrid said, "because my tissues are ll used up " said the guy. draco crired a lot.


	22. halloween happens

halowetrn

halloween

then, one day, it was hallowen. "IM BACK!" said harry rising from the grave. he was covered in dirt and guck. there were worms everywhere. "ew" harry said, looking at the worms. he kicked the worms away becaue hes a meanypants. the worms didnt care though. theyre worms. he left the graveyard. it was a full moon. he want to the shcool. "hi everybody" he said. **_EVERYBODY SCREAMED!_**

 ** _"HARRY YOURE DEAD!" SCREAMED HERMIONE!_** "no im ont" said harry. " im ean year i am but also im not u kno? im a zambie" he said smiling. he smiled . _**"THIS MAKES NO SENSE!" SCREAMED RON!**_ harry gave them all candy. "happy halloween! im back for tomight. im dead" said harry. _**"WE KNOW!" SCREAMED HERMIONE. "BUT WE DONT UNSTERDAYBND!" SHE SCREAMED.**_ well its very simple said hearry. im here to carve jack o lanterns, eat pumpkins, and save u from the glowing green goo. goo gogo.

gooo

the goo was everywhere. oti was green and it glowed like the mon. the moon. it tasted like glue and whoever ate it fell down immediately and ditn get back up again and turned into a ghost but not at the same time.

hary sadi "yep. i here to f4escure you from the goo." he cast a spell n the goo. "expe;llliarmus" he said. "gop away goo, go away goo" he chanted. over and ove ragain he chanted. snakes and spiders came out of the walls. they were exverywhere and they ate up the goo. they ate it up but they were ok ebcause they are spooky. "yum yum " said the snakes and spiders. "this is some great goo." "thanks harry" said the snales and spiders. "no problem sankes and spiders" said harry. "Happy Halloween!" the snakws and spiders said going back into the walls. hermione and ron and everybody were so shocked. their jaws hung open on the ground. "well thats all of tyhat" said harry. "now im going to dance" he said putting a top hat on.

harry potter danced ALL NIGHT! to spooky music in his top hat and a spooky green pinspite suit. he had a great time. "play that funky music" he samg. "weird science". he dance dance danced the night away

and in the morning he went back to the graveyard and went into the ground. but he wasnt really dead bbecause volcfemort hadnt kille f him. he was just on sabbatical

good night harru

AUTHOUR'S NOTE: HAPPY HALLOWEEEN! HAVE FUN EVERYBODY


	23. harry and hermione get world famous

budy what s going on. said hagrid. i d ont knw said hermoine. would you like to start a band said hagrid. ok said hermione

They went to the park. Hagraid had a guitar in his hsand. it was one guitar. hermione had a harmonica. she smashed the harmonica and kicked it and stuffed it in the mud and threw it in a lake. "harmonicas are lame" said hermione. instead sshe pulled out a bagpipes and an eletric guitar. with one hand she played bagpipes and with another she used her wand to conjure up a clone to paly electric guitar. then the cloen made another clone to play drums. hermione handed her wand to the clone to us drumstickt to put some magic into the music band. light show. sparks.

harry turned up. "whats happyeinng" said harry. "go away youre dead" said hermione." "no i m not i m standing right here' said harry. "WELL YOU WERE DEAD EARLIER" scremaed hagrid. 'ah a ha ha, that was all a elaborate ruse...to throw voldemort off the trail." "Thats dumb" said hermione. "go away you cant be in our band." then she turned up the speakers and they started to _**ROCK OUT**_

THEYU HEADBANGED IN THE PARLK AND THE ELECTRIC GUITAR WENT DEEEEEDLY NEEDLY NEEDLY NYEOR AND THE DRUMS WENT BAM BAM BAM BAMB AMBA BAMBAB AMBAMBMABMA DUM DUM DUM and harry cried because he wasnt hardcore enough.

sudnely an angent from los angeles came and said "i want to sign you to me record label and you will get 100 million dollars." hagrid grinned and squaled and clapped all happy. hermione squealed too and smiled relaly wide. they hugged and told the agent guy "YESS!" and he had them sign a 3 album contract and gave them 100 million dollars. they wrote an album and went on tour and were wildly successful. they donated 90% of their profits to wizard chairty. and the rest they spent on cool outfits and a nice house and treats for crookshanks and hagrids animals. soon they became very famous. everyone loved their music except death eatyers because theyre awful. draco didnt lie their music either because he was just crying.

harry scratched his head in confusion..

hagrid and hermione had a great time!


End file.
